So this week has been an ass kicker… my ass has been handed down to me. But I don’t take it as a bad thing, it’s actually hilarious

A few months back I met an old school mate of mine, we chatted and we talked heaps on FB. Then we met in person and it’s still a surprise to see how different my views of him were during high school.
He basically had the same likes but with a little variance, so I started to like him.
It eventually turned into weeks later and we spent more time together, but the only thing I started to do wrong was get too attached to him. It didn’t take long for me to regret it.

I’d have really bad moments of depression, self questioning that I wouldn’t usually do then finally just anger at myself or him. He had other hopes for a future girlfriend and while I couldn’t fault him I couldn’t help but feel annoyed.

Of course people change over time, we used to talk on most days but now it’s every now and then. The odd message of me asking how he is and so on. He now has a gf which I congratulate him for at the bottom of my heart.

I was hurt admittedly for awhile, but not because of his current gf, I was hurt because it felt like I’d been compared. Of course guys have their preferences, I totally understand it. But the feelings left after, for you to let go of? They still haunt me and it bothers me

I was jealous of a good old friend of ours, but it was mostly because she had one thing I did not, a street savvy look on life and a body of a goddess. Being a bigger woman tends to make you feel a bit… bigger. The worst part was that I was actually jealous of her because they got a long a bit better, their chemistry seemed really good and a few more things I won’t go into detail in… because god knows if I’m jumping to conclusions with the two of them.

One flirtatious friend, though insightful in his own way, broke my barrier of jealousy with one line.

“Don’t be mad at her because my mate likes her and not you.”

At first it absolutely pissed me off that he wasn’t seeing my side of things, how I was still hurt. But then I thought about it and it seemed selfish and stupid to waste my time and feelings on someone who wasn’t invested. Plus potentially destroying a friendship on both ends was pointless, who the fuck cared if something between these two happened? Sure I still have those ‘heart throbs’ but now I’m starting to see I deserve someone better who has more investment in me as a person.

If those two manage to read this, you have my most sincere apology, and his gf as well. I won’t lie to you, I was confused and pissed off. But essentially it was at nothing.

My lesson is learned and will still take time to take in, crushes and feelings of attachment are part of the process too.

My talent would have to be understanding myself and understanding the background of my own emotions, as well as others. That’s all I can do for now, until I bump into someone who holds me with value to them oneday. I only hope I feel the same, trust is nearly unknown to me.

Thank you for listening to my rant, it’s great to get this off my chest

Females, you can never understand them or undermine them.

Or can you?

One minute they say they’re fine and the next they’re in your face about something you’ve either forgotten to do 5 minutes earlier or something trivial to you that is stupid.

Let me mention here I am a both a Lady and a Women and I understand where guys are coming from. You see as a Woman I absolutely value honesty in oneself, my understanding is that when you make a promise to yourself or me the only one your benefiting is yourself in the end.

So what really brings my head to a stand still is why us Ladies are so keen on hiding our emotions when we should really talk about it. There are many several reasons why

* The matter is trivial
* It’s something they can sort on their own
* They want you to understand you’ve forgotten something you said and they kind of hope you’ll remember
*They’re scared you’ll over react or won’t understand them
*They don’t want you involved but need your companionship or someone to know other than themselves that something is out of place

I also need to point out that as a woman I go through these points as well, with best girl friends, guy friends, ex bf’s in the past and even Family members. It’s a two way street with hiding our emotions and it becomes a guessing game in the end.

But how and where does the guessing game end?

Well it’s a case by case scenario and I won’t be the one to tell you a straight answer because I’m not qualified to. I’m only pointing out observations so if I become a psychologist later I’ll be certain to let everyone on my next blog know.

My answer is a bit stubborn but; there shouldn’t be a guessing game to begin with. Here’s why

The Longer you keep something to yourself, something you really should get off your chest, the more resentment you’ll bring about yourself. I mean self resentment and that’s a bugger of an emotion to deal with.

You’ll have thoughts of ‘I shoulda, woulda, could have’

Do yourself a favor and don’t be a child by hiding what’s bothering you, a Woman and a mature one at that, has an open mind to discussing what’s bothering her. Sure, it may be a bit awkward, it may start another argument but for the love of god it feels so much better to get it off your chest.

I am of course not referring to Privacy, if you want something kept private then by no means am I suggesting you open up about those. Do that in your own time. Or never if you wish.

Bottom line in all of what I’m saying, communication and understanding is key to a healthy mindset.

Ladies, you already know what I’m getting at, perhaps instead of getting upset at your boyfriends lack of doing or helping you around the house, talk to him about it and negotiate. Come to a compromise and if that doesn’t work then it might be time to ask whether he’s worth a relationship to begin with.

Relationships are a different topic so don’t quote me there

Thank you